School Talk 6 - Shrinker Man

(audience participation in parenthesis)
Talk covers: Difference between emotions and feelings
Expectations
"I can't afford emotions"

(This workshop starts with a song somebody wrote and recorded about going to the psychologist; and brought to workshop)

Shrinker man, shrinker man, shrinker man, shrinker man,
put me straight if you can, free me of my ticks and twitches,
Disconnect my latent switches.
Shrinker man, shrinker man, shrinker man, wise me up if you can.
Air my problems and excuse me, simplify and un confuse me shrinker man.
I've been on one of those complex tours. I want you to make my problems yours. Now give me one of those cut-rate cures.
Shrinker man, shrinker man, shrinker man, set me right if you can.
Align me, tune me, normalize me, clean me up and simonize me,
shrinker man, shrinker man, shrinker man.

Ok. Now we heard our little friend tell us about what she expected from her "shrink"--that she wanted a quick and sudden wrap up. So we're going to talk about expectations today. Expectations are what the lady was wanting. She was wanting some marvel with very little effort on her part. So we're going to talk about the usual expectation that people keep themselves in considerable turmoil about.

So one of the things that we're expecting is that we will experience all the four dual basic urges without any effort on our part because we're fully entitled to it. I'm entitled to have attention and approval. I'm entitled to have pleasure and comfort; and I'm entitled to have a lot of appreciation--all without any effort on my part-just simply because I was born. I'm entitled to it.

So every child that comes into the world feels entitled to it; and inasmuch as most of us have grown up from childhood instead of someplace else, we're still expecting it; and still believe that we should be entitled to it; and we do get very upset when our expectation is somewhat denied. So all this expectation comes because we believe in an "ideal".

Now we all believe that things "ought to be" like they "ought to be", or "should be".

Now on the front desk there's a little jar that contains the words on the side that says "shoulds and oughts"-now those are the "ideals" we think we "should have". Note * No matter how I behave, I should be loved and cared for and liked. No matter where I go, everybody should stop what they're doing and take care of me--almost immediately. So we all have our shoulds and ought to's-the boss ought to appreciate me even though I didn't go to work-the boss should give me a raise frequently even though I don't do very much because I'm entitled to it. Now the more that we feel that we must have the "ideal"-and the "ideal" is "what ought to be", or "what should be"--the more we are disintegrating; but the real thing going on is WHAT IS.

So we want to look at this little stairway; [Disintegration Factor] where we are unconsciously trying to get to "what ought to be" from WHAT IS-and we also unconsciously think all these "should be's" should just change spontaneously with no effort on our part. Now that little stairway that I just drew here is what we call conflict, struggle and resistance. I'm in conflict with WHAT IS because it "should be what ought to be". I'm in a constant struggle wanting what "ought to be"; and there is a resistance of WHAT IS.

Now this is the only human problem-conflict, struggle and resistance. Anything that we can work with and accept as WHAT IS, we can deal with; but when we're on this struggle and conflict and resistance path--that is what's called stress--and that is what causes people to disintegrate and fall apart. Conflict, struggle and resistance and the disintegration occur because we expect that everyone and everything will be what it "ought to be"; and it will fit all our "ideals".

Now two people frequently join together in something called marriage (or a relationship these days); and they each expect that the other will be the "ideal". They never expect that the person they are associating with or in communion with will be a real person. They should be what they "ought to be"--a false picture in the mind.

Now if you set out to have somebody be what they "ought to be", Miss Mary, what happens? Does it work that way usually, or (every once in a while) do they show they're real individuals and not the way we expected or wanted them to be. Huh? And you are then disappointed, feel hurt, put upon, and you begin to get yourself into a state of trying to change that person into what they "ought to be"; and then, of course, there's conflict, struggle and resistance in the household.

The great Hanaman, who was the founder of the medical system called Homeopathy, has in his writings in almost everything he wrote, that the greatest obstruction to cure, (for for a person being well) was an unhappy domestic situation. He put that out as the prime thing that caused all illness and discomfort and misery in human beings. Hanaman's idea was that first you remove the obstruction to cure, then you give them a sugar pill. It worked fantastic if you remove the "obstruction to cure"; and the first thing that he saw as the biggest obstruction to cure was an unhappy domestic situation.

So if you have an "ideal" of how your compadre "should be", do you frequently have "run ins"--in other words, you have an unhappy domestic situation on your hands. So this is the one that possibly most of us here could be quite willing to look at right now--that we don't have to have an unhappy domestic situation if we kinda see what other people require, and what they like, and in addition don't have an "ideal" of what they "ought to be".

The man says, "Well, I provided her with a car.", "I provided her with a house.", "I've provided her with clothes; and she ought to be damn happy." He forgot a few other things that might have been included in it, especially an understanding and real companionship with a lady.

So can you afford to have an "ideal"? We ask you the question around here all the time, "Can you afford emotion?" Now the question is the same, if you have an "ideal", you're going to have emotion because you're going to be upset. So you're going to be disappointed; and feel hurt, very frequently, when you expect the "ideal". If it doesn't happen:
You feel disappointed; and when you're disappointed,
You feel hurt, and when you're hurt,
You look for cause, and you will find it was:
Either the other person-in that case you get ANGRY;
You find it was yourself, you'll feel GUILTY, or
You can't find what to blame it on and you will feel FEARFUL and when you've been around this vicious cycle quite a number of times,
You begin to feel very INSECURE and when you feel insecure,
You're in a conflict of some sort--you're trying to get a way out. So when you get caught in an "ideal" either from within or from someone or something outside, you are then setting yourself up for a very stressful situation and emotion.

Now we've looked at it over and over how we cannot afford emotions--no matter how young we are--how strong we are--how wealthy we are. We cannot afford emotions because they will wreck all the aforementioned. They will destroy your funds and your income. They will destroy your health, and they will destroy all sense of happiness and well-being.

You simply cannot afford emotions. Once you make up your mind you cannot afford emotions, you don't have to have them. Once you truly see you cannot know "what ought to be"; and therefore, you can't afford to have an "ideal", you don't have them; and when you do drop the "ought-to-bes" and the "ideals" , you have eliminated the source of most emotions. When you eliminate the source of emotions, you have turned your whole life around; and you're approaching what is sometimes referred to as integration or wholeness--a fully conscious being.

So let's see that for the next few days as we go about our day, that we don't expect to get "shrinker man" to come fix us up with a nice cut-rate cure; but that we see that we cannot afford emotions as a consequence, and we cannot afford ideals.

We can afford to have our wants, our likes, our dislikes, our tastes; but we cannot put that up as that's "what ought to be" or what "should be". The things "I want", I can put forth some effort to work on and have.

I think if anybody wanted a happy domestic situation, they could pretty well have it. It might require a wee bit of effort-the effort would be at being conscious. It wouldn't take a whole lot of effort; and there isn't any other way-it's just being conscious that there is another person with likes, dislikes, wants, desires, etc.; and that we are considering others instead of internal considering only.
"How does this affect me."
"What do I want"
"Why don't I have it."
In other words as we have frequently said, the world is populated with infants-many of which have grown bodies and technical educations. An infant with a grown body and technical education is just noisier than an infant with a baby body, and makes a lot more fuss and commotion in the world; but as long as we live by the four dual basic urges and by ideals of what ought to be; (therefore with a bundle of emotions of anger, guilt, fear and insecurity and they're many synonyms), we are infants--even though we have beautiful grown bodies and technical educations.

When we begin to see that ideals are very nebulous pictures in the mind that have no foundation whatever, we can begin to work with WHAT IS. When we work with WHAT IS, we can usually generate the type of lifestyle, and the joy in living that we all feel we're entitled to. We're not entitled to it; but we can have it, and I would like to emphasize that we can have it as long as we're willing to see that we cannot afford emotions, and that we cannot afford the ideals of what ought to be, ok?

Is there anybody want to have a question, a comment, want a discussion, or you want to wait for the "shrinker man" next week?

(What was that I heard about dish out what you expect to get.)

Yes--You dish out what you expect to get. If I give you kindness and consideration, what would you be prone to return to me? How would you be prone to treat me? If I'm kind and considerate of you and so forth, how would you be prone to treat me? Do you think you'd be bitchy and grinch at me, or would you have a tendency to reciprocate in kind?

(Reciprocate in kind.)

I think so. So that's very simple. It's my way of saying you dish out what you want to receive back "in my country slang", but in the fact of business, it is that you get back "in kind" how you treat people.

Now if you were unkind and snippy and gave snide remarks to everybody; and you were real rude to them, how would you expect they would be apt to treat you? Now you've been working in a restaurant lately; and sometimes some of the customers are rude, is that right? How do you feel towards that customer? Do you want to give them super service and wait on them, or do you wish they'd get the hell out of there along with hating every minute of it? And there are people that come in that are very considerate and nice to you. How do you want to treat them?

(Real nice.)

So does that answer your question? Ok? You dish out what you'd like to receive. So I like to receive the best there is; and the nicest there is; and so probably that's what I am more prone to dish out if at all possible--if I even know what it is. Ok?

Any other questions, comment.

(What about when you have an ideal of a good mark in a class and you're taking a test; then you make very important--like questions on the blackboard.)

Well, then you'd be very nervous and upset and have butterflies in your belly; and probably forget what your own name is--much less questions on the board.

(But you can see WHAT IS, you have a board coming up.)

Well, I would read up on the material a wee bit, and then be there and take it--but fully well known that it's not important--and then you could remember about everything. So let's don't make it important, but do ordinary diligent preparation. You know you don't have to make an issue out of it; but it does behoove you to read the book. I intend to take the driver's license exam in Arizona shortly, and I will diligently read the book; but I will not make it important because if they won't give me one, lots of other places will. They, more than likely, are the revenue system anyway, so you paid your money to take the board, haven't you?

(Yes.)

Ok. That's what they wanted. So, you'll probably pass with flying colors. Those are all revenue raising systems you know; so they got your money, you've done your duty--you paid for your application and examination fee, is that right? Ok?

(Where can I find someone to give a haircut?)

Well, we'll find you all kinds. John here needs a haircut-bad! If you can get him to look good, you can get anybody to look good. His picture looked so unkempt, so I sold it yesterday--right off the wall. Ok? Any other questions, comments?

(Would you equate, are emotions and feelings the same thing?)

No. Emotions are anger, guilt, fear, insecurity and their synonyms. Love, joy, peace, pleasure and all those good things are feelings. Feelings you prosper and you thrive on. Emotions you fall apart at the seams-they are two different things. The human being was designed to have feelings, but through the conditioning with thinking he knows "what ought to be", he has emotions which are very destructive. The human being was never designed to have them. Ok? There's only one set of emotions, and they are: anger, guilt, fear, insecurity; and of course, there's a jillion synonyms for each of those words. Then all the other things you might experience are feelings.

So you see a beautiful painting or a beautiful sunset and you have nice FEELINGS--you don't get emotional over that--you don't get angry--you don't get guilty--you don't get fearful--you don't get insecure. Ok?

EMOTIONS are things that the human was never equipped nor designed to have; and therefore, they are very destructive when they go through the system. They belong to the animal world, not the human world. Only predators have that--they have those emotions; but they're totally unnatural to the human being. They're only there because we're conditioned with the first big decision we said--the whole unconscious purpose of living is to regain the non-disturbed state. We set up an "ideal: right there, and open ourselves to emotion and disintegration.

In so called sacred literature, it's frequently referred to as eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil instead of the tree of life. When it's eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, it says "in that day thou shalt die", and you really do because you die to humanity and turn into the animal world. Is that enough of an answer John?

(That's good.)

Yes, that's very good John.

Ok. Any other questions, comments? Ok. We'll call it a day.

* This could be used as an experiment and aid in self observation. As we observe an "ought to be" or "should be", we could write it down and drop it in the jar as a way of discarding it-seeing it as a lie and an illusion and not to our advantage to carry around.